Family Matters

Well, the past 2 weeks have been pretty... well exciting for my family. Maybe exciting isn't the best word but I'm tired and nothing else is popping in to my head right away. Stressful perhaps? Yeah that seems like a better word. Ok here's the story.

Two weekends ago my parents came to visit me for the weekend at school and left my 17 yr. old brother JP home alone for 1 night. My brother is usually a pretty good kid. We have had some very hard times in the past 5 years and he has had a little bit of trouble dealing with everything. In 2000 our dad had an affair and moved out for a while. Ever since then neither of us have had a very good relationship with him. That has been especially hard on JP because now he doesn't really have a good male role model/father figure to look up to. He did look up to my uncle, until he passed away in 2003. He has always looked up to our older brother JC, but last Nov. we found out JC was involved in drugs and the such. JC went to rehab and JP has still sort of looked up to him. My grandpa has also been someone JP has looked up to but in the last 2 years my grandpa had changed and is starting to fall apart emotionally and sometimes it seems mentally too.

Anywho, while my parents were gone, JP asked JC (who is still battling his addiction but lives with my grandparents) to buy him some beer. JC being the "wonderfully cool" (sarcasim) older brother that he is agreed to do so. JP then invited a few friends out to our house to drink. They didn't stay at our house long because they went to another party somewhere else. Well, while they were at our house my mom called to check in. JP told her they were at his friends house. It was a pretty convincing lie- until my mom heard our dog barking in the background. JP tried to pass it off by telling her it was his friends dog, but my mom knew better.

That was Saturday night.

Tuesday evening JP called me to ask me if I had talked to mom. I told him no then asked why. He told me he thought she might have found out that he was at the party at his friends house, but made no mention of the shindig he threw. Later Tuesday night my mom called me and told me what my brother did. She was highly disappointed because 1. she does not condone drinking (of course) and 2. alcholoism runs in our family (my older brother and my grandpa on my dads side, and maybe a few others) so it is something my brother and I both know not to mess with.

Another thing about JP. He does not like to share his emotions and he does NOT like to "talk". He will usually get an "attitude" when my mom tries to talk to him about anything, even simple things like school or football practice. This causes quite a few conflicts between him and my mom. JP gets "tired of mom grilling him all the time" (even when shes really not) and mom gets tired of him "having an attitude all the time" (even when he sometimes doesn't). And I get tired of feeling like I'm stuck in the middle of it sometimes (even when I'm not)!

Well last weekend JP and one of his friends, SE, came down to stay with me for the weekend. We didn't do a whole lot. There were definately no parties! I tried to use my good influence on JP to show him that he doesn't need to drink ot have fun. Hopefully it worked!

Oh, and what about my older brother who was the one responsible for getting JP the beer you ask? My grandparents talked to him and told him "never to do that again". Yeah, I'm sure THAT will work. If only... So now my mom and my grandparents (mostly my grandparents b/c that's where JC lives) have decided revise and inforce the rules we came up with for JC to follow in order to stay at my grandparents house. We came up with those rules when JC moved in with them in March, but nobody has inforced them. Some of those rules were of course NO drugs, no drinking, no girls in the house, random drug tests, and continued treatment. JC is at the bars every weekend, there have been zero drug tests, no continued treatment, and we are pretty sure he is still using.

Some evidence we have that he is still using we discovered very recently. My aunt and uncle were visiting my family this weekend and everyone except my uncle and JC were at my mom's house. My uncle was still at my grandparents because he was getting ready to go hunting and went to use the bathroom. When he walked into the bathroom the window was open and he could smell pot. Yes, pot. And seeing how everyone in my family was at my mom's house except my older brother, you can probably put two and two together.

After my uncle told my aunt about what happened she called my grandma and told her. My grandma's response? "Well we asked him the other night if he was using and he said no." Hmm, let's think about this, shall we? We have a drug addict who we also know to be a compulsive liar, but he says he's not using, so you believe him? Something about that just doesn't sound right.

My mom thinks that my grandparents should have kicked JC out when they found out he bought beer for my little brother. I agree with her. Actually, I think that JC should have been out months ago. In my opinion, JC had disrespected and underappreciated my mom, my grandparents and my whole family. He has not changed his life style at all since he entered rehab. He has continued to lie, manipulate, drink and use drugs. He knows, even without us reminding him or telling him, that those things are completely unacceptable. He was told that in rehab.

I love my brother very much and don't want to see him hurting or in trouble. But, I also want to see him clean and living life right. If him being out on the street, or whatever, is what it takes for that to happen, then I am fine with that. I think that him living with my grandparents is hurting everyone and making everyone's life much more stressful. He is an unhealthy influence on my younger brother and causes my mom and grandparents alot of stress. Unfortunately, my grandparents will not "kick him out", as bad as it sounds, and because they won't do that they are enabling him. I know they are just trying to help him and don't want to see him hit rock bottom, but at this point they need to just let him go because hitting rock bottom might just be what my brother needs. My mom has tried to tell them this, but they don't seem to listen. I wonder if they would think any differently if I talked to them and told them how I feel?

Ohmygosh! This is one long post! And I'm not so sure all of it makes sense but I feel alot better getting it out! Until next time... :)